Did I experience a lightning strike? Was my digital camera fried? It seemed to be OK. The realization of this event was exhilarating, but frightening. I stepped back for a moment, then remembered that there were some amazing blasts to try and capture with the camera. I went again to the window to repeat the process. As I touched the window frame again, I felt the tingle of electricity. “OK, I’m getting out of here,” I thought, as sense was beginning to take over and I couldn’t deny that the situation was unsafe.
The place was truly surrounded by an intense electrical storm. I got on the phone to warn some friends who were camping in a tent an hour away. It was no doubt irritating to wake them up so late, but I was concerned for anyone who would have been directly exposed to this concentration of lightning. I encouraged them to take shelter.
I don’t know for sure if I was zapped by lightning. I know that the sky has a lot of energy to discharge and was probably unloading some electricity on our house, contemplating a full-on burst of lightning wherever it would find the path of least resistance. If our house would have been ground zero for the bolt, I probably wouldn’t be writing this, but somewhere at that moment, the lightning seemed to be within reach. The reality of this was evident. A few minutes later, a house was reportedly hit by lightning and the fire department dispatched since the smell of smoke had filled the home.
I’m not sure if I was the hunter or the hunted. I took dozens of shots later into the night, but this time, I didn’t capture that bolt of lightning, only an interesting story to tell.
WATCH FOR UPDATES HERE, OK? NEWS SOON….11/11/15
11/24 Dear, I have a phone now that accepts international calling if you need to reach me don’t hesitate. I’ll code the number here for you: yourageminus1/0380myage20. I hope you’re well and safe.
11/21 I’m pretty exhausted and having trouble with words. I wish I could tell you anything and everything. Keep in mind please that I really know very little and don’t assume anything, especially how long until you come home. I don’t know anything well over a year now because it is too hard on me so I truly avoid It…Since the beginning, Im still waiting to hear all about it from you. I have seen no pictures of you…nothing older than July 2014, I think… I shut down when you made the video as you know and that’s how I ended up with the so called “DWI” which was hardly one at all and I’m sorry because I let you down. I’ve really been sober most of the time since you left…I bet you’ve had more alcohol than me since you disappeared. I found out I’m not even an alcoholic…I couldnt imagine why you weren’t there with support. Im stronger than anyone realized, including myself. What you’ve seen me go through is intense emotional trauma at your loss the subsequent attacks…I think that happens to people that truly cared about you. How insensitive is that to just go on without mourning especially what we had. Dear, everything I say in the film I believe to be true. I don’t have anyway to know differently without hearing it from you. We should really talk about it. I try to be delicate to you because I don’t want you hurt by blame…and I really didn’t want the eof to see it and enable them to rework you and try to justify everything because there can never be justification…especially for how they hurt you….we all played our part in the lie to perfection, even me under the strain, and it is quite possible you will never know the truth. I think you’d rip through EOF like a hurricane if you ever do try to measure what they took from you and us…and that I was innocent of every nightmare in your mind that they used to control your fear. Remember even while were still in each other’s arms I was telling you it was utterly impossible. Our love was simply too strong…there wasnt a single shadow on my heart. Please bring your story to the book and stop trying to hurt me. People who know the story think I’m a hero for fighting through all of the smoke and flame trying to protect you. The result was I sustained incredible wounds for you. That’s how we know now I really was your Jack. You would be so proud of how I persevered and never betrayed you or went Nathan on you. You never had a way to really know the truth because you were being worked on so by them…and like I said, everyone played along including me. It only worked because they were able to get us apart and keep you silent añd fearful. When we were together they had no chance. It was true love dear. There is no other way to define it. We knew it then…nothing has changed. We never had any fight with one another, the only conflict was a complete and deliberate illusion. Please keep it a secret you are hearing my thoughts and come home at the first hint of trouble. Do not trust then or tip them off. When the time comes don’t confront them please. Get to a safe place and don’t give them a chance to commuñicate. That is their weapon that they use dear…and your trust in them…you won’t ever feel a need to trust them again. They didnt deserve a second chance to begin with.
I have frequent nightmares about all of this. Last night for the first time since I can remember, I dreamed of deep empathy between us and could see the love I knew in your eyes. In the dream your tummy was hurting. I gently touched you there and you reached up with both hands to caress my face. My tummy is hurting too.
We should really talk about why we persist. We are becoming an epic puzzler. Is it a good thing maybe? I can assure you I’m not crazy at all. I’m sure you really know that. I never felt any choice but to defend you.
watch me maybe…you’ll likey – link. Readings incl. Chapter 8
11/15 utterly sickened and heartbroken by what has happened in Paris. Human life is sacred and oppression is real. Please think about what you are doing. Are you intentionally destroying the life of an innocent person? Please stop, please listen. Prove you are stronger, and what you were was greater because you didn’t fear the truth before. I still defend you from blame. Please be stronger than me. I live in terror now because the fire of lies that was set is out of control and gets worse and worse. I wish you had left my friends and family out of this. It is unfair to them and did us only more harm. I really don’t know your side of the story if its different than what we went through together. It might have helped to tell me. I really regret missing that I should have asked you more about what was going on. I wonder if there was something hidden in your pain from the past that we didnt talk about. Im sorry because everything seemed so sweet and perfect and you seemed so happy. I’m sorry it was unclear why I was building a wall. I’m very sensitive to fighting and was really hurt. I’m really extremely empathetic and I was scared to be close with the fighting. We never talked about it. I thought our Ikea days were enough to heal anything we went through. I thought we would have forever to make perfect more perfecter…I thought we were all alone in the world. I also appologize if I’m not Saying anything that is helping. I don’t know exactly what is wrong or what happened. Please don’t assume I know much because I really don’t. Not for well over a year now. Please flip the script on all the writing I did for you. The way you dissapeared what was the right thing to do? Especially knowing what little I did. Some might argue that may be one of the sweetest gestures a friend could have done for you. Its all in what was written…and never read. A great poem on blank paper?
11.11 Important deal for Hoversled in the works.
I want to please stress again…I know virtually nothing about your life except she said you were a teacher and I presume still living in Portugal. I have no proof that you are even alive. Its suspicious how you can’t contact me directly. Is it even you really contacting them? How would they know the difference?
I don’t know and I don’t want to know anything until I hear it from you. I really haven’t been in your fb page since 5/14 and it horrifies me that people like my father tell me things about us that we haven’t eveñ ever talked about and I know are lies. Where does this come from? I really have only watched your first video once. I tried but ccouldn’t watch any others. I really couldn’t get past the word “abuse”. I try to keep the positive videos about you even though you might not like the one, it is no way intended to hurt you. Of course it is targeted to expose the truth about what they did to us…and I honestly have no idea if you even realize what really happened.
Do you realize you don’t need to fear anything if we resolve this? None of it is our fault. This was done TO us, not by us. I want to know your side of the story. I think it would be a very important addition to the book I’m writing. Unfortunately, it doesn’t change any part of my story and what I’ve gone through because of this. Dear, do you realize that the people who know the truth think I did the right thing trying to protect you knowing what I did? Not just that, but heroic for what I went through and never stopped defending you. They are never going to admit the truth to you…think about it.
Honey, it is great if you have finally made it to a better place…but never forget, I’m not there with you and that’s everything we both dreamed and struggled to have and that was never your choice. Happy or not, an unimaginable wake of destruction was left behind…and it was intentional…maybe not your intentions, but it was done in your name. Every step along the way, none of this devastation needed to happen. What was done to my family alone in your name and the popular narrative of us which is a complete lie…including me being an alcoholic and threatening suicide…especially that.. etc etc etc… (You’ll understand if I ever have the chance to explain) So much damage done it may be impossible to repair what happened to my family who as you can imagine, gobbled up the lies for reasons that make me ill. Why would I not still stand in support of you? I know what really happened. I know you. That’s why I never stopped fighting for you… Because you know everyone else always did…I was not about to let you down or abandon you. Remember, I was there.
Fix this dear. Stop this because it doesn’t matter if you are happy alone. That is what redemption is for. Happiness is empty if you had to hurt so many others to get it. You alone have the power to truly earn and deserve that happiness. Please earn it by redeeming yourself and sharing your story with probably the only one who truly needs or deserves to hear it.
Still no reason not to love, Steve/n
************ here, this>>>>>
The purpose of this is concerning resolution and peace. I’m doing the best I can flying blind here. I’m trying to provide helpful information and no blame.
I shouldn’t have to live in fear when resolution is attainable and is so much good can come of it.
This is only partly about our relationship, the other parts involve the nightmare of what they put us through, needing to defend myself from attack and defamation, living in fear etc.
I have been on her side all of this time and I don’t think she realizes that.
My strict policy has been to defend her and not blame her because I simply have no way to know what’s really going on. Nobody tells me and I don’t look at her social media because it is too dangerous to me. The only time I looked at her FB page since she left was around our birthdays in 2014. She needs to know that no one in my family warned me that they were communicating with her last winter. I currently know next to nothing about her life. I’ve been waiting all of this time for her to tell me herself.
We are not to blame for what happened. The story that I tell is the only one I know. Obviously we were both victims. I have had little way of knowing otherwise. I was there and I know exactly what happened. I remember everything about our time together…practically every detail. Remember, I don’t know her side of the story at all if there is something she didn’t tell me when we were together. I tell our side of the story as we lived it. Feeling she disappeared, not silently, but ordered to be silent, and we were in a committed relationship that we both knew was unbreakable, I never felt I had a choice to do anything I could to protect her and make her feel safe to come home. I believe this unending turmoil is a result of the strong emotional connection that maybe still links us as we were never intended to be apart. They gave her no choice. We had better plans in life than even what she has now…and those plans were completely empowering to her and sustainable. We were going to grow old together and share in all of life’s wisdoms as great writers, travelers and artists.
She should try to remember my story which was always perfectly true but was frustrating to know she didn’t seem to believe it. I waited 20 years for her. I left a Hollywood career to stay near Sawatdee. I held off every happiness and experience in life because I wanted to live it for the first time with her…that included watching Charlie Chaplin films and silent movies which were so dear to me…even going to the movies at all. I never dated…I wasn’t looking for her, I was waiting for her. I told her the truth about my story. She called it serendipity because our lives made perfect sense when we finally found one another…all of the pain and waiting we realized was worth it.
She may not realize it but our story continued to be an incredible love story. It’s too interesting and perfect not to be written as a book. There’s too much she just doesn’t even know. It literally takes me several hours to tell our story. People are fascinated…we just lived a best selling novel and I really don’t think she knows it. I think she is manipulated by fear and doesn’t realize it. There is nothing to fear in our resolving this, only stress and ongoing turmoil if we don’t resolve it. The fictionalized film version is equally amazing as it taps especially deeply into the poetry and literary qualities of our story. We can make a ton of money on it too. I don’t know if she remembers on our first date how I told her that listening to her was like reading through a great book. I know they tried to lure her away by telling her she would write a book…instead she lived it. It was silly to leave for that anyway, we were going to write tons. We had our Hollywood connections to fall back on too for writing movies.
I have only been in trouble following her attacks. She needs to understand that what I went through is a reaction to the trauma they put us through. The emotional trauma completely blindsides me in that moment. I am not self destructive, I have amazing things to look forward to in life. It turns out I’m not an alcoholic either. I was isolating myself because we never had space and her involvement with them was really hurting our beautiful relationship and I’m so sorry that happened but we did get past that together. They so underestimated us and how strong we truly were together. We both already had a track record in life for amazing accomplishments. They totally understimated us. Their accomplishment was creating lies to divide and hurt people for money…and not just to us…they want to be the Mc Donald’s of deception, greed and ego. That is everything she proclaimed to hate when we were together.
Our relationship was a lifetime in the making and we both knew it. We had no insecurities and complete commitment to one another. She disappeared and I knew she was being preyed upon, controlled and expolited. I still have nothing that tells me otherwise. What I went through in the face of this nightmare is simply heroic and people who know the real story agree.
I have been truthful, faithful, unconditionally. I have defended her to everyone and believed in her because I know her probably better than anyone. I don’t know if she realizes that. They have done everything in their bag of manipulations to keep her from the truth to a point they put her in danger. I have premonitions that she is disposable to them. I have nightmares every week. She should ask me about this because it I think she needs to be concerned. I worry about the day she finds no where to turn not knowing she was always safe. I wasn’t only her Jack…I proved it now and that is something she deserves to be able to know in her heart. That is so rare for anyone to actually suffer what I did trying to protect her… that is why it is so heroic.
I have gone after the EOF to expose them for good reason, and never as an attack on her. My policy has been to do anything I could to protect her feelings and not feel hurtful blame or guilt. I didn’t want the film to be seen. It was leverage for her freedom, same has the domains. There is nothing but positive traces of her in my social media. I think she attracts a lot of negative attention to the EOF trying to slander me so that just may backfire.
The attacks on me are terrible and have to be stopped. Things could go in a totally different direction if I stop being on her side and defending her. There is grounds for a civil defamation lawsuit already reaching past $12k and climbing because my deal with Discovery Channel hasn’t been factored in yet. My intent is to bring criminal charges in the United States against the EOF. She is the only one who has the power to convince me otherwise. She may not remember that I am also a victim.
I don’t know if she realizes the case the EOF brought against me to retaliate against the film is also dead. That case is over and legally can’t be brought back. I’m not going to help them build another case against me either so because I will not be communicating to her anymore…especially now its in their interest to resolve this because she will have no inside information anymore of my intentions and the empowerment I always encouraged in her to give her input on my plans if she objected. I can expose the EOF as a victim without her and will unless she convinces me otherwise.
There is nothing in the truth that she has to fear from me. I will do everything I can to protect and defend her until time runs out and I need to take strong actions to protect myself and that may be well past due. This can’t continue when there is no reason or justification that it can’t be resolved and that is only possible between her and I and noone else.
Why be stressed when she can be empowered to resolve this? No one is helping us. Not even our parents have tried to help us. Did she know on our birthdays in Claire City her parents still supported us staying together. Her parents even !oved me. We brought all of our families closer together. I doubt either of us were ever more blessed with inspiration, positive energy and empowerment than the days before they forced their way into our lives again. I don’t even know if either of our lives even make sense anymore with us apart. Don’t judge a book by its cover…especially if you are banned from reading it.
She can ask anything she likes but she cannot let anyone know we are speaking because they will do anything they can to keep her from the truth. If not for that, this could have been resolved much sooner and so much pain and suffering prevented.
Why was she going into my Facebook? Is she ready to try to help us both move on or is her intention to sabotage my life. I really don’t understand. I can’t wrap my head around the idea she would ever want to hurt me or my life So badly. I am a real person. If she turns that back and realizes its all been completely wrong and what I have done is no different from going back into a burning building to save my wife, or waiting by her hospital bed …. Because I know she is trapped in a nightmare and I could never abandon her…that is the mark of a real man. I don’t believe she realizes what really happened because they won’t allow her to know…its that simple. Its extremely hard to unwind a lie, especially one as tightly wound as this one. I believe WakeMelissa has a reason in our mythology. She has bitten the poisoned apple. Its not her fault. I’ve tried so hard to break their spell on her. I hope she doesn’t realize too late in life just what they have taken from her.
She can contact me if she has a recommendation for how she would like to begin working towards resolution and finally bringing this to an end. I have a new counsellor that is helping me work out the trauma caused by the EOF and our story so talking with her together is an option.
I’m moving back to St.Cloud soon to launch Hoversled which has a present valuation of around $400,000.00. I will finish another book next month and I have several more on the waiting list. I will hopefully take a few months off late winter to sail the carribean. I will begin making films again and continue to sail and travel with the money from hoversled and book royalties. I don’t know if she remembers but I had grand travels in life to Sweden, Russia, and South America.
I can’t possibly address everything that we should discuss or might be concerning in such a brief note…including expressing so much sorrow and empathy for what she has gone through. The only way to accomplish comprehensive communication is through dialogue. Maybe text dialogue to start and we can work up to voice when we both feel comfortable. I want to address her questions but I really don’t know what they are and what she wants or is really after. Silence is simply indicative of oppression so I don’t believe it was ever really an option and goes against the idea of education and empowerment.
It is time we end this. Everyone has a good incentive to now to either make the most of things, or continue to make the very worst of things for no good reason. At the moment I am still on her side.
KEEP TABS ON THIS PAGE PLEASE…. I HAVE IMPORTANT NEWS COMING SOON. OK?